July 18, 2010

I Can't Even Imagine...

I have been contacted by many people since I got home last Thursday. It's been good to connect with friends and family that I haven't seen for a year and a half. Of course, they want to know how I'm doing, and to wish me well. After a number of these interactions, I've noticed a recurring phrase. It goes something like this:

"Jessica, let me just say that I can't even imagine what you're going through, but..."

This has given me reason to pause and consider what this expression means. I think that it's something along the lines of, "Jessica, I can't even imagine how frightening and difficult this must be for you. I can't imagine how sad and angry you must feel about this. I can't imagine how disappointed you must be."

Oddly enough, I think they are right -- they can't imagine what I'm going through. However, it's not in any of the ways that they think. What I'm feeling is strange, unexpected, and definitely hard to imagine:

I feel at peace. I feel satisfied. I know that it doesn't make sense, and that I ought to feel all the negative emotions that people assume I must be going through.

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