1) I want to be there
2) Call me a wimp, but loved ones on planes always makes me a bit nervous
3) In all that has happened the last few months, James has been the only consistent variable for me (Other than God of course, but you've all heard my ups and downs. Sometimes God feels very far away.)
But the funny thing is that whenever James travels, I find it is easier to have him gone than to prepare for him to leave. When he is gone I have the simple choice of either making the best of it or being miserable. I generally don't like being miserable. So this has left he boys and I to our own devices. Part of the time will/has been spent at home with my sister and part of the time will be staying with my parents.
In the last few days I have finally come off of all medications except for the anti-seizure, the most significant of which is a steroid. This steroid has been the bane of my existence for the last several months. It promotes weight gain, causes your body to retain water (lending a puffy appearance), causes mood changes, causes acne and muscular decline and much more. In the few days since I have been off of it, I have been noticing some significant changes, such as:
1) The shape of my face is starting to re-emerge from under all the acne and swelling
2) My clothes are fitting a little better
3) I've noticed an increase in mental capabilities. Instead of being content to sit, I find myself looking for mental and physical stimulation. At the end of the day, I want to know that I did something.
The third one is interesting, because only now that it is leaving do I realize just how numb I have been to my surroundings. I'm not sure which is worse; sitting and staring into space for hours or being okay with it. I'm not claiming a complete recovery, since I might very well return to my numb state, but I have noticed a significant (and much appreciated) difference in the last few days.
Of course there are other parts of my physical condition which seem to be permanent losses. One major casualty is my eyes. They are so blurry! And of course my right ear which still rumbles constantly, occasionally switching to a high pitched whine.
The boys have been doing very well. Ari's teacher tells me that he is picking up French very fast. Speaking of hearing problems, we suspect that Ari is suffering from some serious wax build up in his ears. I used to have that problem as a kid, and Ari can't ever hear a word we say to him. His response to everything we say is to yell at top volume, "WHAT?". He is also always yelling and it is getting worse these days. I am well acquainted with the treatment and equipment used to solve this problem - I had it done many times when I was young.
Ari's hearing "disability" has made communication with him interesting. Last week just before our Canadian Thanksgiving, I told Ari all about the Pilgrims being saved by the Indians and the story behind Thanksgiving. Well, combined with his great love for Peter Pan, Ari has now developed a deep fascination for Indians. On a side-note, I apologize if anyone is offended the use of the term Indian, but in a historical context and when teaching a five year old, it is the only term that makes sense to use and is relatable to him.
So anyway, today when I picked Ari up from school, he asked
me to tell him more about the Indians and how they lived. I of course was very enthusiastic to tell him about the different nomadic and agricultural groups, how to make birch bark canoes, how to make pemmican, how they hunted buffalo, and how they used all the different parts of the buffalo. The trouble was that for every sentence, Ari would interrupt me with a "WHAT?", and I would have to yell out the sentence again. Our whole neighborhood now knows how to make a birch bark canoe and how to make pemmican.
This evening the boys watched the movie Hook, and I think we have found a new favorite. Jude cuddled with me and decided at the end that when he grows up he wants to be Captain Hook (naturally). Ari on the other hand could hardly sit still and couldn't bear the suspense, constantly asking plot ruining questions. When I put him to bed he was still seriously pondering the implications of the movie and trying to fit together all the pieces of Peter Pan the cartoon and this new sequel. Of his more interesting questions were:
"In the first movie, Peter Pan tells Wendy that if she grows up she can never come back. How can Peter come back?"
"How did Wendy become so old if her and Peter were kids at the same time?"
By the way, Hook is also a good movie to watch if you need a reminder as a parent to lighten up a little. Robin Williams manages to make some clasic parent lines sound like such spirit breakers. Such as, "What did I tell you about blowing bubbles in your chocolate milk!" Watching it with them certainly made me realize how many of the things I say to the boys must sound pointlessly jerky.
Anyway, there are some random bits for you. Time for bed!